Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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