I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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