the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
