I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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