So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We have started to decorate penises.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
