I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
