A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize