mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
