how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
