I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
