Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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