he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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