The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
