You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
