He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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