My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
