my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
