You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I am naked and annoyed.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
