people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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