I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
