Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize