just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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