At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
