you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
