I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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