Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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