After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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