I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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