Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize