I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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