dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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