what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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