i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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