These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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