There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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