someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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