who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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