She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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