every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
