Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
