i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
