imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
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