you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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