you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
