can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
