I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
