Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
