I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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