how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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