we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My vagina is officially offended.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
