My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
