Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize