I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
