life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize