hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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