we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
