I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
