I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You're like the curious george of whores
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
