My room smells like vodka and shame
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize