I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
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