you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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