I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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