Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
