i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize