Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
