At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
