I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
