google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
