You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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