meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
