yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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