Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
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