i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
